(This is an encore post from about this same time last year. As a little update, I am thrilled to report that this same client and I continue to enjoy a thriving coaching partnership. In her own words, our work together over this past year has helped her to successfully decrease her stress and overwhelm, while supporting her in consistently accomplishing her goals around increased self-awareness, motivation, organization, self-acceptance, presence, and fulfillment in all of the areas of her life that matter most to her and her family! She is shining brighter than ever this holiday season!)

I was talking with a client recently about developing action plans for her holiday To-Dos, and I revisited a question we’ve discussed before – “Where could you use support this Holiday Season?” I was so happy for her when her response to that question came quite readily! For so many moms, that same question – “Where could you use support right now?” – is met with silence and a whole lot of concerns over asking anyone else in their life for support or assistance. My client has come a long way with her comfort around feeling good about asking for support, and she now sees how huge of a difference a little help from family and friends here and there can make in her life. And, the best part is, they are happy to do it for her!

As I was just thinking back on that conversation, it reminded me of the beautiful Christmas tree we decorated last night in our living room. The first thing we did before we loaded the tree up with garlands, ornaments, and precious family mementos was to check to be sure the base of the tree was securely steady in its tree stand. We had the unfortunate situation – not once, but twice – years ago where our gorgeous tree toppled over because it did not have the proper support at its base. (And let me tell you, month-old “pine-infused” water does not have that wonderful fresh-cut tree smell once it is soaked thoroughly into your living room carpet!!) We learned the hard way that the proper support is a basic necessity in order for the tree to shine safely and securely in all of its brilliance, without the fear of it toppling over from over-load, even with the most beautiful and delicate of ornaments.

So, I’ll ask you the same question – “Where could you use support this Holiday Season?” Even the best of moms needs to be sure she allows herself the proper support from others in her life, so she can stand tall and shine brightly, especially with added “weight” of all the extra holiday commitments and responsibilities. Think about where you could benefit from a little extra support over the coming holiday weeks, and then ask for it – you’ll feel less overloaded and your family and friends will feel great about being there for you!

The holidays are a time for sharing, and some of the greatest sharers on the planet are mothers!

We all have special little nuggets of mom-wisdom that our own moms shared with us.  Some bring us warm smiles as we lovingly pass them along to our own children, while others are accompanied with the unexpectedly surprising realization, “OMG, I’ve become my mother!”

While I was perusing a huge stack of Holiday catalogs with my own mom over the Thanksgiving weekend, we both got a chuckle as I read from the list below, as it appeared on a plaque in a catalog called What On Earth.  I’m guessing you will recognize a few of the tidbits (or some variations thereof) of mom-genius it provides!

Things Our Mothers Taught Us

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.  I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.“Just wait till we get home.”

13. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.“You are going to get it when you get home!”

14. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to stick that way.”

15. My mother taught me about ESP.“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

16. My mother taught me HUMOR.“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

17. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

18. My mother taught me GENETICS.“You’re just like your father.”

19. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.“Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?”

20. My mother taught me WISDOM.“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

21. And my favorite: my mother taught me about JUSTICE.“One day you’ll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you!”

Remember to tell them, every day…

You’re amazing, just the way you are!!

(And remember to tell yourself too, while you’re at it!)

Let Your Shine!

Consider trying these quick and easy stress-taming tips to help you have a happier holiday season:

Take all of your grandiose holiday plans and cut them by half!

The Holiday Season is a flood of festive invitations, endless errands, and enough To-Dos to make even one of Santa’s elves dizzy with busy-ness! But remember, you are only one person and there are only so many hours in a day. If you commit to every holiday party and attempt to create every potential festive memory under the sun, you’ll be over-tired, stressed-out, and not much fun to fa-la-la with!

Instead, choose your holiday activities wisely by putting some thought into your RSVPs and planning only a few special family activities. Figure out which commitments and plans hold the most fun and meaning for you and your family, and place only those on your calendar.

Have Extra Ho-Ho-Ho On-Hand

Although we all know that, in a pinch, moms can create some pretty amazing things with 2 saltines and some left-over ketchup packets, do yourself a favor and keep a couple of extra holiday treats and a simple holiday gift or two on-hand. That way, when you awake with a start in the middle of the night, realizing that you forgot to pick-up a festive snack for the 4th Grade class party or that you need a last-minute grab bag gift, you can rest easy and forego the midnight Walmart run!

‘Tis the season to decrease & delegate!

If you start feeling the onset of holiday overwhelm – stop, take a step back, and try to see if there is anything you can do to decrease your To-Do’s. Is there anything that isn’t a top priority on your Holiday “Joy-ometer” that you can let go of to free up some time and space in your calendar? Is there anything on your agenda that can be shared with or delegated to a family member, friend, or even outsourced to a reasonably priced errand service.

Regardless of how you choose to do so, take a look at that incredibly long holiday To-Do list and see what you can manage to cross off or seek support with. The holidays are a season of sharing – so share some of your To-Do’s and make room for some festive fun!

Give your Self the gift of some ME-Time Now™ this Holiday Season!

In the midst of all the merriment, be sure to spread some of that holiday cheer to your Self by committing to at least one activity each week that is solely for you. Whether it is a hot bath after the kids are tucked in, a coffee with a friend, some peaceful solo-shopping, a quiet tea in front of the fire… whatever makes a little holiday bliss for you!

Give your Self the gift of some time for yourself – to settle down from the day’s festivities, catch your breath, and indulge in a little of your own Peace & Joy!

As a mom, how many times a week do you hear the word “balance” and wonder daily at how you will ever get there?

One thing that has become abundantly clear to me, through daily validations from myself, mom-friends, clients, and mentors, is that “having balance” all comes down to what I call The ME Connection – acting, living, and being in alignment with the core of who you truly are on the inside (your ME) and allowing yourself to express and share your true inner-self with others every day.

Balance is not a destination we arrive at. Rather, it is a daily, even moment to moment, variable measurement of our internal contentment, fulfillment, and peace.

My own journey has brought me to a place where I feel my most balanced Self that I have ever experienced – with a much deepened gratitude for and connection with my unique gifts, my values, my priorities, my family, and other people. Does this mean I’m all calm, relaxed, and zenny all day each day? Um… remember, I’m a mom of two young girls (one who’s a mini-me that is just really diving head-first into the pre-teen stage!) and a business-owner whose husband travels… A LOT. Still human, still have my moments!

But, my ME Connection has greatly uncluttered my life by allowing me to really let go of a lot of unnecessary expectations and baggage (along with all of their non-self-love-spewing travel companions), and better trust my intuition’s guidance – afterall, that’s my ME talking! I have so much more clarity about and renewed excitement over the relationships and commitments that truly matter to me.

As I continue to evolve, it only makes sense that MomEvolve continues to grow and transform with me. As such, I am considering various creative directions and opportunities for MomEvolve, while at the same time, relying on my alignment with my ME to guide me.

Rather than making these considerations in some frantic dash to get to the next point in my journey (as in an outwardly Doing-focused “make it happen, get it done, check-it-off and move on & up” approach that I’ve been known to find myself caught up in at times), I am choosing to let it flow naturally and be more happy to Be, as I enjoy the ride with enthusiastic anticipation and curiosity. However, this doesn’t mean just sitting back and waiting for everything to be delivered to me on a silver platter. It includes making conscious personal and professional changes – some that are no-brainers and others that are a little tougher to surrender to initially – that best serve my highest priorities. The increased relief, comfort, and peace that these decisions are bringing me are heartfelt reminders that I am on the right track for me and that all is perfectly as it should be right now!

To free up some time, energy, and space in my days and make room for what I want more of in my life, I am switching the ME-zine to a quarterly distribution, starting with this edition. (After all, couldn’t we moms all use a few less e-mails in our In Boxes each month? ) As my creative spirit moves me, I will continue to post on the MomEvolve Blog, and I will be sure to let you know of future new and exciting MomEvolve offerings via the ME-zine, blog, and e-mail.

Also, I am thrilled to continue partnering with a select number of evolving moms who are each ready to reconnect with their true inner-Selves, Let TheirME Shine, and achieve goals that honor both themselves and their families through MomEvolve’s individually customized one-on-one ME-Time Now™ Coaching Packages.

There are so many amazing possibilities for me, MomEvolve, and our community of mom-friends as we continue to evolve together! I can’t wait to explore all that the future holds in store, and I look forward to continuing to share in this joyous adventure with all of you!

We had a howlin’ good time with Halloween this year at the Ely house!

We kicked off the freaky-fun festivities by inviting another family of friends over for this Boo-tiful Boo-fet of eerie appetizers and entrees:

Big Sis presented the Monster Menu

And Lil’ Sis created these ghoulishly-great Boo-fet place cards.

Unfortunately, in all of our Halloween excitement, I forgot to take pictures of the actual spooky spread, so I’m recreating it as best as I can for you:

Missing from these pictures are the Eyeball Mash (which was hummus with “eyeballs” made of sour cream dollops, olive slices, and baby carrots scattered all over the top of the dip), and the Finger Sandwiches (a.k.a. marinated chicken sliders on finger rolls). We came up with these two freaky food ideas all on our own, and they were so tasty that our hungry little goblins gobbled them all up, leaving none for a next-day photo-op!

After we filled our fiendish appetites, we all left for a night of terrifyingly-terrific Trick-or-Treating together!

Our “Scary Nurse” & “Funky Frankenstein’s Bride” on their way to making

Tremendous 2010 Trick-or-Treat Memories!

Yesterday, my older daughter Gracelyn’s school celebrated “Crazy Hat Day”.  She picked out a little selection of chapeaus (Thank you, Cat in the Hat!) from the dress-up cabinet, including: a floppy, furry purple fedora, a leopard print visor, and a pink bunny ear headband, which may not technically be hat, but we’re pushing the envelope here – walking on the wild side of CRAZY, huh?

Speaking of the wild side, I realize, in rereading this last sentence that the above-mentioned head décor may sound like an assortment of accessories from a closet at the Playboy mansion, but I assure you that it is all of the G-Rated glamour-girly-girl variety, not the Pimp-Daddy-O Collection!

Any one of those hats she selected would have been great, but she decided to pile on the fun by stacking all three together on her head. “H-m-m,” I thought as she rounded the corner into the kitchen. I guess she thought that if one is fun, then a triple-decker is ultra-fabulous, so I just smiled and said, “Wow!” I was able to make my happy exclamation without even a hint of sarcasm, allowing me my own “Seriously, Sweetie?” secret thought while honoring her excitement over her own creative expression. Pretty on my mom-game for 6:20 AM, if I do say so myself! ; )

Honestly though, that’s what I love about days like Crazy Hat Day – it’s a harmless way to add a little excitement to the day that provides an opportunity to creatively express yourself.

As it turned out, she decided to go with a last-minute contender – a bright orange witch’s hat with purple pumpkins on it. A few minutes later, my 6 year-old daughter, Sheldyn, entered the kitchen with the discarded furry purple fedora and asked if she could wear that hat to school, promising that she would only wear it on the bus and then put it in her backpack when she arrived at her school, since it wasn’t Crazy Hat Day there. I said yes, and she literally skipped off, brimming with joy from under the brim of her crazy hat.

As we were heading out the front door to catch the bus, Big Sis asked if it was Crazy Hat Day at Lil’ Sis’s school, and I replied, “No.” Then she asked, with a look of pre-teen OMG fashion-shock on her face, “Is she wearing that on the bus to school?” (as if she hadn’t remotely considered choosing that same hat for herself just a little while earlier) to which I replied, “Why yes, yes she is, aren’t you Honey?” Lil’ Sis shook her head yes and just kept on beaming up the driveway, onto the bus, and as the bus pulled away!

Fast-forward to this morning, as we headed out the front door to the bus… Gracelyn packed some crazy socks in her bag, unsure if it was Crazy Sock Day today, and Lil’ Sis was gleefully donning her bright purple fedora for the bus ride again. Big Sis just looked at her, grinned a little, and raised her eyebrows. Obviously, she has not yet mastered the “Seriously, Sweetie?” secret thought/smile combo like her dear old Mom.

When we got to the end of the drive, a classmate of Gracelyn’s was waiting for us, and Gracelyn asked her if it was Crazy Sock Day. Her friend replied that it was not, as they climbed on the bus, and I caught a glimpse of always happy-go-lucky Lil’Sis’s light blue sox, which clashed slightly with her bright red shirt and had a sparkly princess crown-wearing kitty peaking out between her Converse and her capris.

While I waved at the bus and thought about Gracelyn’s Crazy Sock Day inquiry, my heart and face smiled together as I celebrated Lil Sis’s daily expressive sock choices and I said, “Yes, yes it is!”

Ever-AMAZING what they can teach us without even trying!

Witches and Ghosts and Chores, Oh My!

As the parent volunteer in charge of organizing my younger daughter’s 1st grade class Halloween party, I set out to find a fun but not too crazy game that her classmates would enjoy. I did a search for Halloween Bingo games and came across this awesome family-friendly site!

http://www.dltk-cards.com/bingo/bingo7.asp

You can choose from a variety of bingo card grid sizes (i.e., 3×3, 4×4, 5×5), and customize your cards with various holidays and themes, picture and/or word spaces, and even label them with your own creative custom titles!  I thought BOOGO would be the perfect title for a scary-good Bingo game, complete with yummy candy corn game pieces!

While I was there, I created a design-your-own Chore Chart for each of my daughters as well, and I have to say they have truly de-stressed our morning routine!  No more yelling “Did you do this, do you have that?!” as I make breakfast and pack lunches in the morning – the girls both have their own “Little Miss Helpful” Chore Charts to remind them, and they happily check off each item on their own each day! 

There are all sorts of other awards, coupons, cards, and activities available on the site, so be sure to swing by for some creative family fun during the upcoming holiday season and beyond!

Wise Men Say

My husband Bill and I recently celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. This song was the one we chose to dance to for our first dance as husband and wife, and hearing it still brings me back to the head-over-heels love I felt on that day. Perhaps more than that, its lyrics still ring true for me today – “I can’t help falling in love” with my husband.

Of course, like every marital journey, ours has included its ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and times of mostly happy trails interspersed with the occasional jostling “speed bump” along the way. And speaking for myself, there were occasions when there wasn’t even a particular situation that was at fault for my ready-to-snap-at-anything-he-did reduced patience – it was more of a growing annoyance factor resulting from an underlying, and often unspoken, pile-up of individually minor frustrations. You know, like the times he would insist on breathing in the same room as me and I would secretly roll my eyes while barely containing my desire to shout at the top of my lungs, “Is that breathing thing you insist on doing over there really necessary?!”

Yet, even at the most trying times of our marriage, if I was completely honest with myself (and although it may have been in contradiction to my PO’d internal commentary at the time), I always knew without a doubt that my husband was a good man who loved me and truly wanted what was best for me.

The older I get and the more I experience of life, I increasingly realize what a rare and special gift that kind of love is. I am more consciously grateful and appreciative of my husband and our love now than ever during our almost 20 years as a couple. Marriage is its own unique dance, and the most successful ones seem to me those where both partners move together gracefully most of the time, remembering to laugh and enjoy the lightness of each other’s company in the moment, taking care not to step on each others’ toes too often, and forgiving freely when they do. Although we still have our occasional missteps, it is exciting to see how much Bill and I have grown into a comfortably confident stride that honors us both.

I may not be one of the “Wise Men”, but for what it is worth, here’s what I have to say: I have learned that, for me, the secret to a beautiful and enduring marriage “dance” is trust. That trust, when nurtured and solidified over the years, deepens your love in a way that allows you to more readily work through and let go of the rough stuff so you can more genuinely listen, support, and respect each other. That abiding trust offers you the reassurance of knowing that no matter what – in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and with flaws and all – you have one another to depend on. That mutually enriching trust is a wonderful source of replenishment and renewal in a marriage, and when you take time to appreciate it, you are provided ongoing opportunities to fall in love with each other again and again throughout the marriage journey.

Who knew when Bill and I chose this love song 14 years ago that it would hold even more meaning for me today – “Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can’t help falling in love with you!”

With a traveling husband, two active elementary school daughters, and the start of a new business in the past couple of years, my life had become more of a go-go-go experience than ever!

Recently, when I had an “open” hour in my day, I was surprised to realize that it had also somehow become difficult for me to allow myself to do nothing for a few moments of a day and feel good about it. And by “do nothing”, I mean sit, relax, and enjoy some non-work, non-To-Do activity. Since I am an avid believer and supporter of moms taking time for ourselves on a regular if not daily basis, I was even more caught off guard by my own unexpected inability to do so.

In this particular instance, I thought it would be a nice treat to catch up on a couple of Oprah shows that I had recorded months ago and had not gotten around to watching yet. I say this was a non-work item, but in reality, my own coach had previously recommended that I tune into Oprah regularly, as “O” has her finger so well placed on the pulse of what moms want to know and what they most desire support around. So, in reality (and actually, regardless of what the specific activity may have been), it really wasn’t “nothing” – it was much more about what I was afraid others would think was nothing… during the middle of the day… while the kids were at school… when I was home alone… and could &/or should be getting lots of more “meaningful” things done.

I literally chuckled at myself while I asked, “Since when did it become a challenging, conscious task for me to relax?” I realized in that moment that relaxing, even for just a little while, on a weekday had somewhere along the way become a stretch for me – something just a little outside of my busy-ness comfort zone.

This thought started out in my head as just a little “H-m-m-m, that’s interesting” passing consideration. But as I contemplated it a little more, while doing the morning dishes, then scouring the kitchen sink (I’d been wanting to get to that for days!), and putting away a basket of laundry, the little whisper of a passing consideration became a loud, attention-getting deliberation. “Since when had me taking a little downtime, regardless of when it was, become a stretch for me?”

Often, when we feel ourselves being pushed or pulled past the limits of our comfort zone, our first reaction is to resist, tense up, and quickly retreat back into our safe zone where we feel most secure. For me that morning, that would have meant choosing to follow my head (with its endless supply of guilt and judgment about what I could/should be doing) and continue whittling down my To-Do list. Instead, it occurred to me that this was an opportunity for me to apply the peaceful encouragement that my instructor at the gym always provides at the end of a kick-butt workout and “relax into the stretch.”

I fought the urge to get up, like a good little multi-tasker would have done, and get a load of laundry going before I “indulged” in some ME-Time Now™ - which, technically, would have made it some ME-Time Not-Quite-Yet. I was consciously committed to practicing what I preach, so I relaxed a little more, stayed seated, turned on the TV, selected the first Oprah show on the DVR list, and pushed Play.

Within a moment or two, I caught myself pushing Pause, as I was about to get up and squeeze in another quick To-Do that had popped into my head. Then, I heard my own voice saying out loud, “You deserve this.” I encouraged myself deeper into the stretch, as I repeated with more ownership and umph, “YOU DESERVE THIS!” I smiled, relaxed a little more, and pushed Play again.

The more I relaxed into the stretch of taking some ME-Time Now™ in the middle of my weekday, the better it felt. I spent time with my pal Oprah that day and I have made it a point to relax into making some ME-Time Now™ for myself each day since. When I feel any resistance, I focus on relaxing into the stretch and extending my comfort zone just a little further.

This little unexpected weekday challenge and exercise (no pun intended!) served as a wonderful reminder for me! Regardless of the type of challenge, relaxing into the stretches we encounter, rather than resisting or retreating, allows us to move forward more elegantly and easily through the initial discomfort and on toward our desired growth and development.

Stretching can feel so good!