You’ve done it, I’ve done it, we’ve all done it. Every mom I know has forgotten to pack a special bag-lunch for a field trip, or not realized it was a no-uniform day, or missed a class party, or overlooked some other detail as we try to keep it all straight between our work and family lives.

Every mom I know has also allowed herself to be eaten up by guilt, as she easily convinced herself that she was the only non-super mom on the planet.

The interesting thing about mom-guilt is this: while we are sick to our stomachs for days, lamenting over haunting thoughts of how we have somehow scarred our kids for life, they have already moved on and let it go. By lunchtime, they have forgotten all about the fact that Mom forgot to send in the empty paper towel roll and they had to use one of the “spares” that the teacher preparedly had on-hand.

Of course, they may conveniently remind us of our erred ways every now and then, but one of the most beautiful things about children is that they love us unconditionally. They truly want mommy to be happy.

As moms, we need to realize and be okay with the fact that, with all of the many balls we simultaneously juggle, we may drop one occasionally. It is simply a fact of modern motherhood.

We don’t lay awake at night worrying ourselves sick over other facts of Life. The world is round. The sky is blue. Moms sometimes make mistakes.

Why not just accept that fact? You are an amazing mom and you will make a few mistakes along the way. Period. No self-torment necessary.

Acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them, vow to do things in a way that feels better next time, and move on to loving yourself just as much anyway. Your kids surely do!

I recently heard a true story about a young boy who got upset with his little friend, pointed his finger at her, and told his playmate exactly what he thought she had done wrong. A teacher saw him and suggested, “The next time you point your finger at someone, look at who your other three fingers are pointing at.” Interestingly, when the boy grew up and shared this story as an adult, he said he found out, soon after the actual incident, that his friend hadn’t done anything wrong, like he had accused her, so the teacher’s advice was even more poignant to him.

I always remind my girls that it isn’t our place to judge others – “You worry about your own behavior (because yours is the only behavior you can control) and let so-and-so worry about hers.” We often go on to discuss how, if you don’t like how someone else’s behavior made you or others feel, remember that the next time you have a similar choice to make with your own behavior. They get that, and I see it serving them well (most of the time) throughout various situations.

Although I haven’t done it often, I know I have pointed my finger at my daughters before when I was extremely upset with them and trying to make a firm “point” (no pun really intended). When I really stop and look back on those times, I realize that, often, when I get most upset about my children’s behavior, it is because that behavior reflects something about myself – that I have done or thought in some way – that I didn’t like. Yes, I do believe that the strength of my emotions during those times is largely due to me wanting to spare them the “pain” and aggravation of lessons I’ve already learned, but if I am being completely honest, I think the level of my frustration also has to do with the fact that our children are like little mirrors of ourselves, and it is sometimes tough to see that reflection. Also, just the nature of the gesture of finger-pointing implies accusation and blame-laying, and that is not a message I want to send to my children.

This story serves as a great reminder for me to approach those more challenging discussions with my kids in a calm and loving manner (although firm is absolutely OK when warranted!) that consciously conveys a message of understanding and learning, rather than one that may be interpreted as judgmental and/or condemning. I get the point! (Sorry, but pun definitely intended!)

Live Positively Fulfilled!

Lynn Ely
MomEvolve
Inspiring Moms to Evolve TM
www.momevolve.com

MomEvolve is here to help! With March’s “Moms on the Move” one-on-one coaching package, you will start clearing the clutter and shedding the “stuff” that’s been holding you back, so you can take huge leaps forward toward your goals with renewed energy, enthusiasm, and empowerment – all before Mother’s Day!

MomEvolve’s integrated Life-, Career-, and Purposeful Entrepreneur Coaching takes place over the telephone, so you can participate from any comfortable and quiet place that you happen to be. To help accommodate your specific needs, our two-month “Moms on the Move” coaching package offers two exciting options:  Either two 45-minute sessions per month, OR three 40-minute sessions per month.  Both options include unlimited e-mail access to support you between coaching calls.

What do you want to make come alive for you this Spring?  Are you ready to stop struggling on your own trying to answer questions like “Who am I now?” and “What do I really want to do next?”, and instead, take ownership of the changes that you know deep down you want and deserve? Don’t just keep thinking about maybe getting some support to help propel you forward toward your goals – make your move, and contact MomEvolve today!

Whether you are making a physical relocation with your family, transitioning through a major life change, or just want to get moving back into your groove, MomEvolve is here to support you!

Live Positively Fulfilled!

Lynn Ely
MomEvolve
Inspiring Moms to Evolve ™
www.momevolve.com

Did you hear about a minor earthquake in Chicago recently? The news said that people were shocked (Sorry about the bad “aftershock” pun, but they were!) because an earthquake in that area is so rare and unexpected.

That got me to thinking… Sometimes it’s good to shake things up a little!

It reminds us that our “ground” can shift at anytime, especially when we get preoccupied with the busy-ness of our days and lose sight of what really serves as our foundation – our core values, upon which we can build our daily actions, priorities, and goals. But, when you get so wrapped up in your daily To-Do’s, like we all have a tendency to do at times, it is easy to lose touch with the source of your core values… your true inner self – your ME.

The problem is that, if you’ve lost touch with the core values of your ME, you could be over-filling your days with all of the wrong To-Do’s in the first place! A strong connection with and understanding of your ME allows you to prioritize your days and set your goals in ways that most effectively and efficiently serve you.

Shake-ups in our lives, whether they take the form of a natural disaster, a health issue, a major job or relationship change, or the birth or death of a loved one, all have the tendency to cause us to question who we are, where we are going, and how we are doing. Can you answer all of these questions with decisiveness, excitement, and fulfillment right now?

If not, the time to reconnect with who you truly are is now, rather than waiting for life-shifting events to catch you off-guard and send you scrambling for something you can hang onto about yourself for security and reassurance. Consciously making the effort to reconnect with your ME is like creating an insurance plan that will keep you steady and stable on the foundation of who you are and what matters most to you when life shakes things up.

Reconnecting with your ME is a commitment that takes some work up front, but provides you the security of your Self when you least expect it and most need it! If you are ready to reconnect with your ME and create priorities and goals based on who you truly are and what matters most to you, I would love to support you in doing so! Please either call me (843-696-8949) or e-mail me so we can discuss your unique needs and opportunities!

Live Positively Fulfilled!

Lynn Ely
MomEvolve
Inspiring Moms to Evolve TM
www.momevolve.com

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to have all the good stuff right at your fingertips?  Check out this wonderful site to help you “find the good stuff that enables you to live simply, live organized, and create a fun and happy home for your family.”  The Good Stuff Guide is an informative and entertaining site created by fellow mom-of-two, Heidi Farmer.  Not only does Heidi know her “Stuff”, but she has regular give-aways of all sorts of helpful and fun products for moms and kids alike!

See all the good stuff Heidi shares at http://www.thegoodstuffguide.com/.

Live Positively Fulfilled!

Lynn Ely
MomEvolve
Inspiring Moms to Evolve TM
www.momevolve.com

Although it feels good to get things done – especially things that feel as though they’ve been hanging over your head and placing extra weight on your shoulders – remember this very important thing: The mom who checks off the most To-Do’s at the end of her day is not declared the winner!

Motherhood is not a race nor a competition, so putting pressure on yourself to run the hardest and the fastest, day after day, is not only completely unnecessary, it is a sure-fire recipe for burn-out, overwhelm, and a lot of self-criticism.

Your To-Do list is just that – a list of things you can choose to do… or not to do… the choice is yours. But, your To-Do’s do not define you. Please allow me to repeat that, because it really is so important: Your To-Do’s do not define who you are. As moms, we can get so caught up in what we did or didn’t get done in a day, that we start to beat ourselves up with critical self-judgments and self-doubts when we don’t feel like we checked enough To-Do’s off by day’s end. When we use our To-Do list as a tool to measure how we feel we “stack-up” up against our own and others’ expectations, we are basing our self-worth on our To-Do progress. And when we do this, to quote an old song, we’re “looking for love in all the wrong places!”

On any given day, what you offer as a mom and a woman goes so way beyond any agenda item or To-Do task! When was the last time you patted yourself on the back and celebrated that you were there to comfort your child or a friend when she needed reassurance, or that your children knew they were loved when you tucked them in at night, or that your child was kind to another child at school because of the love and values that you share with him so freely all day every day?

Take the time to honor, acknowledge, congratulate, and love yourself each day – truly and deeply – for all of the incredible ways you share your Self and your unique gifts with others daily. You make a huge difference in the lives of others and the world every day, just by being a loving mom, in ways that have nothing to do with your To-Do’s. The best way to show love to our children is to show love to ourselves, so take time daily to acknowledge that “You’re doing a GREAT job, Mom!”, regardless of how many To-Do’s you happened to check off today.

Live Positively Fulfilled!

Lynn Ely
MomEvolve
Inspiring Moms to Evolve TM
www.momevolve.com

It is so easy to get caught up in our day-to-day To-Do’s and busy-ness as moms, that we can forget to make time to think about what truly makes us happy. Sure, we all know that spending time with our families is an important priority and a wonderful way to fill us up with joy, but we can also feel great about the many other opportunities we have available for celebrating who we are and making our hearts sing! We need to give ourselves permission and space to explore all of the opportunities for making ourselves happy, in addition to and in conjunction with the incredible blessing of motherhood. When you take time to check in with yourself in this way, you can re-energize and replenish from the inside-out, so that you can approach others in your life, especially your family, from the most positive and vibrant place. If it feels a little selfish at first, remember that the best way to show others how to love themselves is for you to come from a place of self-love– so try to shift your perspective from feeling self-ish, to feeling self-love, which is a beautiful gift you can share with others.

For a fun, quick way to check in with your Self and reconnect with your ME, find a quiet place today, relax, take a few peaceful breaths, and ask your Self, “What would I REALLY love to do for myself this week?” Then, listen carefully to what the inner voice of your ME tells you. Only you know what you truly need to feel happy and fulfilled, and when you allow yourself to be still and tune inward, your inner voice will be very honest in telling you how to best meet that need. Then make some time in your week, which may literally mean scheduling it on your calendar and making arrangements, to take one small step to address that need or desire. It doesn’t need to be some big huge commitment or undertaking – just a little something that brings a smile to your face and makes you feel fully alive in the moment. Being a good mom does not mean completely sacrificing everything about yourself in order to nurture everyone else in your life – Rather, give yourself permission to share some of your nurturing with yourself, so you can replenish what you have to share with the others in your life.

Live Positively Fulfilled!

Lynn Ely
MomEvolve
Inspiring Moms to Evolve TM
www.momevolve.com

Last week, I had the pleasure of presenting a free teleseminar called “Moving From Overwhelm to Making Time For ME – What’s Been Stopping you?” I was already feeling great about all of the valuable info I knew I had packed into the call, regarding how to overcome obstacles that keep us stuck in To-Do overwhelm, but then I started hearing from moms who had listened in, either live or via the audio afterwards, and I couldn’t help but get even more excited! Moms were telling me how they left the call feeling enthusiastic and empowered about tackling To-Do’s that had previously kept them stuck for months and even years! Some moms even shared that they had literally taken on a whole new attitude in general, and that they were already experiencing more confidence, peace, and fun with their families! How’s that for an awesome call?! It is that kind of feedback that makes all the time and effort of planning a teleseminar SO worth it!

If you missed the call and would like to listen to all of the great tips we shared for moving out of To-Do overwhelm, you can still register at www.momevolve.com/audio/overwhelm11410.mp3, and you’ll receive the free audio-recording in your In-Box shortly. I would love to hear how the call helps you too, so please feel free to leave a comment here, or e-mail me at lynn@momevolve.com. Enjoy!

Live Positively Fulfilled!

Lynn Ely
MomEvolve
Inspiring Moms to Evolve TM
www.momevolve.com

I was talking with a client recently about developing action plans for her holiday To-Dos, and I revisited a question we’ve discussed before – “Where could you use support this Holiday Season?”  I was so happy for her when her response to that question came quite readily!  For so many moms, that the same question  – “Where could you use support right now?”  – is met with silence and a whole lot of concerns over asking anyone else in her life for support or assistance.  My client has come a long way with her comfort around feeling good about asking for support, and she now sees how huge of a difference a little help from family and friends here and there can make in her life.  And, the best part is, they are happy to do it for her!

As I was just thinking back on that conversation, it reminded me of the beautiful Christmas tree we decorated last night in our living room.  The first thing we did before we loaded the tree up with garlands, ornaments, and precious family mementos was to check to be sure the base of the tree was securely steady in its tree stand.  We had the unfortunate situation – not once, but twice – years ago where our gorgeous tree toppled over because it did not have the proper support at its base.  (And let me tell you, month-old “pine-infused” water does not have that wonderful fresh-cut tree smell once it is soaked thoroughly into your living room carpet!!)  We learned the hard way that the proper support is a basic necessity in order for the tree to shine safely and securely in all of its brilliance, without the fear of it toppling over from over-load, even with the most beautiful and delicate of ornaments.

So, I’ll ask you the same question – “Where could you use support this Holiday Season?”  Even the best of moms needs to be sure she allows herself the proper support from others in her life, so she can stand tall and shine brightly, especially with added “weight” of all the extra holiday commitments and responsibilities.  Think about where you could benefit from a little extra support over the coming holiday weeks, and then ask for it – you’ll feel less overloaded and your family and friends will feel great about being there for you!

“Decide that you will not try to do everything at once. That is why time is spread out.”
– Norman Vincent Peale

As mothers, we often take one look at our To-Do list and literally become paralyzed with overwhelm, knowing that there is way more on there than is humanly possible to get done as quickly as we would like or feel we “should” be able to. Why do we put all of this self-imposed pressure on ourselves?

When our kids bring home a full agenda of homework or have a big class project to work on, do we just stand their wide-eyed and frozen, and join them in their concern that it is just too much and they will never get it done? Of course not! (Well, we may think this for a moment, but we’d never let them in on that little nugget of doubt!) We help them prioritize their tasks and dig in, checking off each item as it is completed, and moving on to the next. Why then do we put so much pressure on ourselves to simultaneously attack every item on our To-Do list, and then feel like a failure if we don’t get as much done in a given day as we had hoped? We all know from experience that motherhood is not a single-focus activity where you get to give each To-Do item your undivided attention until it is done, and then neatly and smoothly move on to the next. Our lives as moms are full of unforeseen interruptions and schedule de-railers that just come as part of the daily job. So we need to learn to go easier on ourselves when our days don’t necessarily go as productively as we had hoped when we got started on them after breakfast.

Try to choose 1-3 of your top priorities each day and try to schedule their completion into your agenda, realizing that there will likely be something that comes up right in the middle of it all that may slow down your intended progress. That’s OK! If you set the maximum goal of working on 2-3 tasks, and agree with yourself to be completely satisfied with progress on any one of them, then even a baby-step in the right direction is great progress you can be proud of! And to take even more pressure off, you may want to shift your perspective toward weekly To-Do’s, rather than daily To-Do’s. Shoot for completing 1-3 tasks on your list each week, and even if you only get a little work toward one or two done each day, by the end of the week, you’ll have completed some, be able to remove them from your list, and focus on the next. Again, kind of like helping your child with a class project – normally (except in the dreaded “It’s 9:00 PM Sunday night and you’re finding out about a class project for the first time that’s due tomorrow” situation!!) you spread the completion of the project out over days, or with larger projects, even weeks, and break it down into “digestible” chunks to complete a little at a time. You can do the same thing with your To-Do list. Figure out which items are your biggest priorities, take a look at a reasonable timeline for completion, and spread the steps out over a few days or longer. That way, if one day gets away from you and you don’t get to the task, you know that you’ve already given yourself permission to get to it the following day and still feel great about it!