The other night, my 6-year-old daughter said very pensively to me, “Mom, you know what’s cool about Dora? She never rushes – she just takes her time and always gets there!” After my heart about burst with love and admiration for her 6-year-old wisdom, I thought – You know, that Dora’s a pretty savvy lady!

How many of us moms rush around all day from multi-task to multi-task, and at the end of the day feel like all we’ve done is spin our wheels with almost no “progress” to show for it? Or, in reference to longer-term goals – How often have we set a goal for ourselves, only to give up in frustration when we didn’t arrive at our “destination” with the unrealistic warp-speed we desire?

Not Dora! No Ma’am! She takes time to smell the roses and enjoys the celebration of overcoming no less than three potentially journey-stopping obstacles along the way. She seeks out the opportunity – whether it involves climbing over it, working around it, or asking for help. And, as she keeps her “eye on the prize”, even Swiper’s interruptions and distractions don’t derail her. Not only that, she remains polite and happy, without a single profanity-ridden tirade or “Wh’always Me” along the way!

She revisits her goal (“Where are we going…..?) and boosts her own and her co-travelers’ confidence (“We know that we can do it!”) throughout the entire journey, and before you know it, she’s reached her destination with a smile and a song.
Does she put a lot of undue and unrealistic pressure on herself? Does she beat herself up if she makes a wrong turn? Does she let it devalue her self-worth when Swiper, giants, and trolls aren’t always the kindest in their reception of her efforts? Nope!

She just keeps on moving forward at a pace and style that best serve her in getting there. Most importantly, she takes time to enjoy the journey!

Dora is a great example of how we can’t always foresee all of the opportunities and/or challenges we may face as we set out to complete a task or move toward a goal – so why put that expectation, concern, and pressure on ourselves? We don’t necessarily have to have everything planned out perfectly, from A to Z and every step in between, before we can begin moving forward. Rather, we can choose to just get started, to focus on and act in the moment at hand (since really, that’s all we can effectively respond to anyway), and to embrace the purpose of that moment in our journey, even if we may not quite understand completely how it fits into the bigger plan just yet.

And when we do make a “wrong turn” or “encounter a mountain”, does that mean our journey has to end or that we shouldn’t have embarked on it in the first place? What if we look at those challenges as opportunities, and choose to believe that we are exactly where we are meant to be at that moment – because there are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn, grow, and decide how to move forward from there.

We can choose to have fun and trust that we will get there at a time that is perfectly right for us, and who knows – maybe there’ll even be a cute little insect mariachi band tooting their horns for us in celebration when we arrive!

Live Positively Fulfilled!

Lynn Ely
MomEvolve
Inspiring Moms to Evolve TM
www.momevolve.com

About 1 ½ years ago, my husband and I decided to move our family from Florida to South Carolina, largely due to wanting to be closer to my oldest brother’s family who lives in North Carolina.  He and his wife have twin daughters close to our daughters’ ages, and my husband and I wanted our girls to grow up close to family, similar to how we both did as kids.  Since our move, we have spent pretty much every major holiday (and even many of the not-so-major ones) together with them, and seeing all four of the girls beam with joy every time they are together reminds us of just how perfect our decision to move was for us.  Close family relationships, for us, are an utmost priority in our life, so we followed our hearts, took the plunge, and made our move – and we haven’t regretted it for one moment since we did!  Watching our daughters Trick-or-Treating this past weekend with their cousins, and my husband and I getting to enjoy time with my brother and his wife, are priceless memories for us all! 

When my Dad suddenly became ill six years ago and soon only had days to live, Life reminded me in one of the most blatant and obvious, although also toughest, ways that every moment is precious and not to waste even one.  So I try to build my life around what I value most, and try to focus each day on enjoying the moment at hand.  That moment is gone in a flash, and I want to be able to look back on it with a smile and gratitude, and to say that I lived it to the fullest, just like my Dad.  For me, this is one of the most wonderful legacies and lessons I can share with my daughters, and it is my personal road map to a life filled with love, joy, contentment, and laughter.  That, for me, is a life well-lived!

What do you value most, and how are you honoring those things that are most important to you each day?

For most families, spending quality time together is one of their most valued priorities.  Yet, with everyone’s busy schedules taking family members in all different directions on a daily basis, it often seems one of the most difficult priority items to accomplish.  If spending quality time together each night is a non-negotiable value for your family, then it is important that each family member, especially the parents, fully commit to making it happen.  One of the best ways for parents to model the importance of family time, is by shutting off work when they walk through the front door at night (or when they break for dinner, if working from home), at least until the kids are tucked into bed.  Being totally present with your children shows them they are your top priority during that time of your day together, and you’ll all enjoy it much more than stolen, agitated moments between e-mails and cell phone calls.

Also, try to avoid spending your family time always doing things side-by-side, such as watching television or playing video games together.  Rather, try mixing it up a little with activities that more fully engage everyone – do a family puzzle or craft, play charades, plan a puppet or talent show, make-up a “round-robin” narrated story where each person takes a turn adding a sentence at a time, create a “_(Name)_ Family Adventure Book” where you record pictures and memorabilia from every day family experiences and triumphs, as well as family vacations and celebrations.  The possibilities are endless, so explore what appeals most to your own family and involve everyone in the process of choosing what to do.  Most importantly, use that time together to really connect – discuss what went well and not-so-well in everyone’s day, inquire about school activities and friends, share dreams, express concerns, learn what’s on each others’ minds.  Family quality time provides the perfect opportunity for recognizing, validating, and celebrating each family member’s unique gifts.  From the youngest to the oldest, each family member has their own life experiences and lessons to share, from which the entire family can learn and grow.  So, make the commitment, be creative, and enjoy some family time today!

“The present moment holds the key to liberation.” – Eckhart Tolle

I read an article recently about how when we stop longing for something to happen, that’s when it usually does happen.  I was instantly reminded of when my husband and I were trying to get pregnant with our first child.  We had been trying for almost two years with no success.  The only thing I knew in my heart I always wanted more than anything else in my life was to be a mother, and the fact that it wasn’t happening, and with no apparent physical explanation, was frustrating, disappointing, confusing, and truly heartbreaking.  To make matters worse, it seemed that practically every week brought the announcement of another friend who was blissfully (and easily!) pregnant.  I remember trying to remain positive and share genuine happiness and joy over their news, but at the same time fighting back tears because it wasn’t me.  Our lives had been “reduced” to counting days on the calendar, tracking my temperature, “mandatory” conception attempts, and one disappointing pregnancy test after another.  I was stressed beyond belief, and I finally decided I’d had enough.  I needed a break from the entire process!

Coincidentally, I made the decision to take a break from it all on the last day of a vacation my husband and I were on.  Without realizing it, I had dropped the weight of the world off my shoulders for a moment, and allowed for the first bit of spontaneity in a very long time.  That was all it took – we were instantly pregnant!

Looking back, I think what really occurred was that I had previously allowed myself to sink into a victim-level energy and its accompanying way of thinking – Why me?  Why was everyone else getting pregnant and not us?  What was wrong with me?  Maybe I didn’t deserve it for some reason?  All of my thoughts were focused on lack and my inability to have what I wanted so badly.  I then made the conscious choice to no longer live as a victim of my circumstances, and in doing so, I stopped chasing so desperately after something I was lacking as a piece that would complete me.  Literally, almost at the moment I decided to let it go and just accept and enjoy what was, I was delivered the gift I had been seeking.  By living in and embracing the moment, rather than chasing after something in my future to complete me, I shifted my energy and regained the power to live my life, instead of waiting for my life to happen to me – that made all the difference!

The other week, as I was pulling out of the garage on my way to my youngest daughter’s Kindergarten Parent Orientation Night, I failed to look behind me, and backed right into the babysitter’s car. I couldn’t believe it! I am literally always so careful to not only check behind me, but also to glance at the screen on the dashboard that has a rear-view camera to show me exactly what is behind me. The sitter was an absolute doll about it, and I know that these things happen every day (although it was my first time ever in 24 years of driving that I hit anything!), but what I got most out of the experience was very enlightening to me.

First, after the initial momentary surprise that I hit another car, I was extremely calm. Of course, I felt horrible that I damaged the sitter’s car, and I wasn’t too thrilled that ours was slightly banged up either, but I didn’t get angry at myself or make it into a huge deal. Accidents do happen, and I chose to calmly deal with how to handle the situation. I honestly don’t think that would have been my response a while ago, which showed me my growth in my journey of self-awareness. In a weird way, this little fender-bender was a sort-of gift – an opportunity for me to see that I am “walking my talk.” And as my Dad always used to say, “These aren’t real problems, just inconveniences.” My kids, the sitter, and our puppy were safely in the house, and no one, including me, was injured.

Secondly, hitting that car literally jolted me back into the Present – the Now. I know I was distracted (i.e., turning down the radio and wondering why it was turned up so loud, thinking about how busy the parking lot at school would be if I didn’t get there soon, etc.), rather than checking carefully before I backed up, as I normally do. I absolutely adhere to the concept that, “You can’t get where you want to go in Life by looking behind you,” but one caveat to this thinking is when you’re on your way to a school meeting and backing out of your garage! Seriously though, it was a very vivid reminder to me to remain present throughout my day and life. If you don’t, you may miss important details and opportunities along your way… or smack right into them when you least expect it!

In coaching, there is a saying that coaches are often their own best clients. Well, this morning, I was a living, breathing, poster-child for a mom who needed to restore balance and make herself a priority in her own life. I got up bright and early to take the puppy outside and smiled at the thought of all the time I had to savor the quiet house before the kids got up and I got ready for a morning meeting nearby. That vision of peaceful morning bliss lasted for about 30 seconds before the kids were up, the waffles were in the toaster oven, and I was somehow left with less than 30 minutes to shower and get out the door. At least the babysitter who I hired for Wednesday’s so I can have one focused workday per week during the summer was on her way… or so I thought, until I exited the shower to tears from my daughters over how the sitter had just called-in sick and now their plans for the day were ruined. Their plans?!! No time for thinking about what wouldn’t get accomplished now in my day – I had 5 minutes to flat iron my hair and drive to my meeting before it started without me. Of course, I was only 2 minutes into my 4 minute drive before my cell phone rang and my older daughter was still lamenting about how she would now have nothing to do all day. (Considering the upstairs hall closet brimming with games and crafts, the over-stuffed playroom, the puppy waiting to be played with, and a little sister by her side, I didn’t quite understand the despair and desperateness in her voice!) Meanwhile, in my rush out the door, I had forgotten earrings and the only thing close to lipstick I had in the car was a nasty smelling tutti-fruiti princess lip gloss my 5 year old had left there over a month ago!

At that point, as I walked away from my crookedly-parked-too-quickly minivan and into my meeting, I just had to laugh, as I knew just how I would introduce myself today – as my own best client! Hey, I’ve made a lot of progress, but self-growth and self-care is an on-going process… “At least I’m enjoying the ride!”