I saw this poem in our church bulletin this week, and I thought it reflected how we moms have all felt at one time or another (or much more often!). Yet, it also reminds us that there is always a reason to give thanks! So I’d like to share it with you during this week when our focus turns toward sharing gratitude.

Even though I clutch my blanket and growl
when the alarm rings each morning,
Thank you Lord, that I can hear –
There are those who are deaf.

Even though I keep my eyes tightly closed
against the morning lights as long as possible,
Thank you Lord, that I can see –
There are those who are blind.

Even though I huddle in my bed
and put off the physical effort of rising,
Thank you Lord, that I have the strength to rise –
There are many who are bedfast.

Even though the first hour of my day is hectic
when socks are lost, toast is burned
And tempers are short,
Thank you Lord, for my family –
There are many who are lonely.

Even though our breakfast table never looks like
the pictures in the ladies magazines
and the menu is at times unbalanced,
Thank you, Lord, for the food we have –
There are many who are hungry.

Even though the routine
of my job is often monotonous,
Thank you Lord, for the opportunity to work –
There are many who have no work.

Even though I grumble and bemoan
my fate from day to day
and wish my modest circumstances
were not quite so modest…
I thank you Lord, for the gift of Life!

About this time of year, our thoughts start turning towards the excitement of the upcoming Holidays.  For many of us, although the temperatures outside are starting to steadily decrease, the approaching holidays can send our stress levels soaring.  Equally, if not more nerve-racking, can be our worries and guilt over all the things we didn’t get done this year… and so the list of New Year’s Resolutions begins.  This year, instead of creating a list, how about creating a vision?

Develop a clear vision for yourself of what you want your life to look like in the upcoming New Year.  It can be very empowering and inspirational to take the time to gain clarity about what it is you want in your future, to believe you can have it, and to commit to, not only making it happen, but truly being open to and excited about it happening.  For many people, it is helpful to create a vision board that captures all of their dreams and longer-term aspirations with pictures, words, and mementos.  Then they can post their completed vision board in a place where they will see it daily, drawing inspiration from it to keep them on track and moving forward.  At the very least, you may want to write down your vision for your ideal life, perhaps in a journal.  By writing it down, you give form and validity to those thoughts.  Be very specific – What does your ideal life look, feel, taste, sound, and smell like?  What are you doing on any given day in that life – with your family, job, friends, and free time?  What do your surroundings look like – your home, office, car, yard, vacations?  Don’t hold back – it’s your ideal, so the sky is the limit.  Visioning can be very fun, and the positive energy that results can be just what we need to gain the courage to take that first step, even a tiny baby step for starters, toward our ideal life.

What is your vision for your ideal life in 2010?  Have fun with it – the choice is yours!

“In order to know the light, we must first experience the darkness.” – Jung

Some of our biggest opportunities may lie in what we are currently experiencing as our biggest challenges. When things don’t go exactly as we hoped or something happens in our life that is very upsetting to us, it is only natural to initially feel sad, disappointed, anxious, or even downright fearful. But, what if we were able to choose not to suffer as an automatic consequence of an unexpected and, perhaps initially, undesirable circumstance? What if, instead, we look for the purpose and opportunity in the situation? When we experience a challenge or setback, we have the choice to either remain in an emotionally reactive state, and, in doing so, remain a victim of the circumstances, prolonging our suffering; or, we can take a step back, take a deep breath, and try to get to a more objective place for assessing and addressing the situation.

Attempt to find purpose in the situation – What if this were actually the ideal way for this situation to have occurred in our life? What is my experience of this situation telling me about myself? About others? Maybe it is telling us it’s time to do things differently. Perhaps there is an even better opportunity for us that this one is making way for, if we allow ourselves to be open to the possibilities. Is there a creative approach that could make the situation more palatable, or better yet, give rise to a solution or options we wouldn’t even have considered previously? How can our reaction to and handling of this challenge serve as a role model to others, especially our children?

Now I know our first response to these suggestions for shifting our perspectives in the face of challenge may elicit an “easier said than done” response. And that may very well be true… at first. But, the more you practice looking at all situations in your life as opportunities, the easier it will become – the less emotionally reactive you’ll feel, the more control you’ll experience through knowing you have the power to choose how you do react and move forward, and the more quickly you will bounce back and leap ahead the next time you are faced with a challenge or disappointment.

Every one of us will experience situations in our lives that are painful and may even knock the wind out of us at first – that is just part of living. But, how we choose to move forward from that point absolutely involves our choice. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.

This week, give yourself the gift of some Autumn-Inspired ME-Time NowTM! Wrap up in something warm, grab a cup of your favorite something warm, and go sit outside one evening after the kids are tucked in bed. Tune into all of your senses – the crisp feel of the brisk nighttime air; the smell of leaves beginning to change color and fall to the ground, the evening sounds around you. As you listen more closely to those Autumn-eve sounds, be sure also to listen for the silence around you in which those sounds exist. When we focus on silence around us, between and around the sounds we hear, it automatically helps bring stillness and peace within ourselves. Go ahead, try it. When you stop to focus your attention on external silence, try then to shift that focus to the peace and serenity it instills inside you. Ah-h-h… instant relaxation.

After my youngest daughter had a totally uncharacteristic, overly-tired-inspired toddler-style meltdown to the nth degree last night before bedtime, I got her calmed down and tucked into bed with a smile, full of hugs, and “I love you Mommy”s.  We discussed how it is O.K. to be frustrated or grumpy, but not to let that turn into a full-on one person scream-fest.  We also discussed how when we are getting carried away by those strong emotions, especially when we are really over-tired or really upset, that the little voice in our head isn’t always 100% honest with us, so we need to stop, take a deep breath, and ask, “How true is what that little voice is telling me, really?” For example, when she was super-upset and she said everyone was ignoring her and nobody cared about her, she could say, “Wait a second, I may feel sad or angry right now, but I know that isn’t true – my family always loves me and I never need to worry about that, no matter what I am thinking or feeling.”  I reassured her that the one thing she can always count on and never have to question or worry about is that her family, every one of us, absolutely loves her and wants her to be with us and happy.  She decided next time it would be better to come and tell me how she is feeling so I can “snuggle her grumpies away” before she lets them get her so wound up.

I left the room feeling pretty good that we had turned the situation around into such a positive and helpful discussion – score one for the “Feeling Like A Good Mom” column!  But wait, things got even better… This morning (way too early for a Sunday, as with most Sunday morning snuggle-visits), she came in our room to snuggle as her back-to-sweetness, lovable, adorable little self.  She said she was feeling all better and went on to share her always wise beyond her years “old soul” wisdom with me.  She said, “Mommy, it’s all right to cry because crying gets what is feeling sad out of your heart and then you can feel all fresh inside and your heart can get back to what it does best – feeling happy.”

Straight from the mouths of babes!  Such pure, sweet, simple wisdom – that is why I am in my master bathroom (so as not to wake up Daddy with his cold) standing at the counter as my desk at 6:00 AM on a Sunday morning writing all of this down.  Some gifts are much too precious to risk losing or letting fade by not capturing them and holding onto them right away!  So I share my daughter’s gift to me with you.  And the best gifts are often those you share most freely because they are so much a part of who you are that they just flow through you to others.  (Thank you for sharing your gift with Mommy this morning, my littlest Sweetheart!)

So, if you need to, have a good cry every now and then – hopefully minus the “thought you were having a limb amputated” wails we witnessed at our house last night – but an honest to goodness heart-felt cry that is right for you.  Let the sadness, the frustration, the anger, the hurt, the fear, and all of the self-doubts out, so your tears can help release those things and wash them away.  Then your heart can get back to doing what if does best – loving your Self and your life, and feeling grateful for all of the wonderful people and gifts you are blessed with each day.

The next time you are feeling angry, frustrated, over-whelmed, or just in a funk, think about giving this a try: take a deep breath and choose to focus on what you are grateful for in your life. Make a mental list or even say it out loud – your kids, your spouse/partner, your job, your home, childhood memories, your friends, food, your parents and siblings, your pets, your car, your favorite PJs – whatever comes to mind. But remain focused on those grateful thoughts for a few minutes. By shifting your focus from negative emotions to positive thoughts and their connected feelings, you will feel your mood change and your energy increase. It is physically impossible to fully focus on both a positive thought and separate negative thought at the same time. So realize at that moment that you do have a choice, and choose to focus on the positive, grateful thought.

I’ve tried this with my kids as well, and it works great! Let me clarify – yes, I’ve done this myself when my kids were driving me to the brink of insanity, but I was referring to having my kids try it out for themselves – they were smiling within a minute or two, and they forgot all about what they had been bickering over or upset about a few minutes earlier. In fact, my older daughter proudly told me one day after school how she had helped a boy in her class get in a better mood by taking him through this little exercise! We’re thinking about moving the kids’ little tiki bar from the back porch to the end of the driveway and letting her set up a coaching booth – 5 cents per “session”, just like Lucy from the Peanuts!

Take a deep breath, relax, and be grateful! You’ll be grateful you did!