Wise Men Say
Wise Men Say
My husband Bill and I recently celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary. This song was the one we chose to dance to for our first dance as husband and wife, and hearing it still brings me back to the head-over-heels love I felt on that day. Perhaps more than that, its lyrics still ring true for me today – “I can’t help falling in love” with my husband.
Of course, like every marital journey, ours has included its ups and downs, ebbs and flows, and times of mostly happy trails interspersed with the occasional jostling “speed bump” along the way. And speaking for myself, there were occasions when there wasn’t even a particular situation that was at fault for my ready-to-snap-at-anything-he-did reduced patience – it was more of a growing annoyance factor resulting from an underlying, and often unspoken, pile-up of individually minor frustrations. You know, like the times he would insist on breathing in the same room as me and I would secretly roll my eyes while barely containing my desire to shout at the top of my lungs, “Is that breathing thing you insist on doing over there really necessary?!”
Yet, even at the most trying times of our marriage, if I was completely honest with myself (and although it may have been in contradiction to my PO’d internal commentary at the time), I always knew without a doubt that my husband was a good man who loved me and truly wanted what was best for me.
The older I get and the more I experience of life, I increasingly realize what a rare and special gift that kind of love is. I am more consciously grateful and appreciative of my husband and our love now than ever during our almost 20 years as a couple. Marriage is its own unique dance, and the most successful ones seem to me those where both partners move together gracefully most of the time, remembering to laugh and enjoy the lightness of each other’s company in the moment, taking care not to step on each others’ toes too often, and forgiving freely when they do. Although we still have our occasional missteps, it is exciting to see how much Bill and I have grown into a comfortably confident stride that honors us both.
I may not be one of the “Wise Men”, but for what it is worth, here’s what I have to say: I have learned that, for me, the secret to a beautiful and enduring marriage “dance” is trust. That trust, when nurtured and solidified over the years, deepens your love in a way that allows you to more readily work through and let go of the rough stuff so you can more genuinely listen, support, and respect each other. That abiding trust offers you the reassurance of knowing that no matter what – in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, and with flaws and all – you have one another to depend on. That mutually enriching trust is a wonderful source of replenishment and renewal in a marriage, and when you take time to appreciate it, you are provided ongoing opportunities to fall in love with each other again and again throughout the marriage journey.
Who knew when Bill and I chose this love song 14 years ago that it would hold even more meaning for me today – “Take my hand, take my whole life too, for I can’t help falling in love with you!”
