Going Back to Work…

By Lynn Ely

Going back to work As an At-Home Mom, I knew it was a possibility that was always out there, but up until recently, it was still floating out there in the distance, and hadn’t really come into focus.  On the way home from a trip to visit friends and family in FL, I started talking with my husband about how I had been thinking it may be time for me to start considering going back to work, at least part-time.  Our youngest daughter is in Pre-K, and she’ll be stepping on the big-kid’s school bus at the end of the driveway each morning before we know it.  I wasn’t quite sure what that job would look like yet, but I knew that it would have to be something I would be excited about, and it was very important to me that it would be a role that could really help others and make some sort of positive difference in the world.  During our discussion, our two young daughters, ages 8 and 5, were nestled into their seats in the back of the mini-van with Hunny Bunny and Lamby, the same sleepytime-friends they’ve each snuggled with since birth, headphones and favorite movie on, completely unaware of the plans being discussed and dreams being hatched at the front of our vehicle.

Upon returning home, I made it my full-time job while the kids were in school and after they were tucked in at night, to research all I could about my areas of interest.  Before we knew it, I was enrolled in a coaching curriculum and certification program (well, actually, three coaching certification programs, to be exact), and in the process of embarking on an entrepreneurial adventure that I decided to call it MomEvolve. I was so excited, and had not a single fear or reservation about being on the path I knew in my heart I was meant to be on.  I was also coming to realize, that in addition to my full-time job as a Mom (and often, in the capacity of a “single-married Mom”, since my husband travels globally for his job), I was now also taking on the role of a full-time student, practicing coach, and a new entrepreneur who was busy with all of the many details associated with building a start-up business (which, by the way, was a completely new endeavor for me).  At least going into it, I was conscious of the potential for complete overwhelm, and I entered into this new phase of my life with an awareness of and commitment to actively managing my “overwhelm-quotient”.  Next came the equally important realization that I had to help manage the overwhelm factor for my family as well, especially my daughters.  Mommy had never worked or gone to school since they were born, so both of those changes combined could be potentially very unsettling for them… and it was… initially.

It was becoming increasingly, and painfully (I’m sure many of you have heard a grumpy 8 year old whine!) obvious that my girls were unsettled by the thought of my going back to school and work.  They had never known a day that Mommy wasn’t at home waiting for them when they returned from school, or picking them up earlier than many of the other kids from pre-school, or signing up for pretty much all of the volunteer activities and field trips with their classes.  And I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices that they were concerned, confused, and even a little bit scared about what all of this would mean for them.  I don’t even think it was a completely conscious worry or fear for them at that point – they just knew that things were changing and knew that they just wanted things to stay the way they had always been.  I could especially see the changes in my 8 year olds demeanor – more moody and reactive, and when she really got upset, it would come out loud and clear – “Why do you have to go back to work – you’ll be so busy, you won’t ever have time for us!”  Of course, this was in direct ear-shot of our 5 year old, and she was taking it all in, as usual.

My husband was away on a business trip to Malaysia, and I had hoped to wait and include him in the discussion once he returned home, but it was obvious that we needed a family discussion, and fast.  So, that weekend, I called a Family Meeting.  It was a Sunday, and I mentioned a few times throughout the day to the girls about how we would have a Family Meeting later that afternoon at 4:00 PM.  They liked the idea, as we’ve had Family Meetings in the past, but it had been quite a while since the last one.  Right before the meeting began in the living room, I set up a white board on their big plastic easel, and we gathered in the living room.  Boy did their eyes light up when they saw a white board with brand new markers waiting for our meeting!   We talked about their feelings and concerns around my going back to work, what we could do together to support each other, and how we could make the whole experience fun and exciting for the entire family.  Of course, there was a lot of doodling on the white board by my younger daughter (which was a large part of the point for having it!), but I could see from the start of the meeting that their energy increased and they felt important and listened to by their inclusion in the process.  The icing on the cake was much later that evening while I was just settling into bed, and my older daughter came into the room rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.  She said, “Mommy, if you are excited about your school and new job, then I’m excited too – it’s going to be really great for all of us!”   It’s only gotten better from there.  Now, don’t get me wrong, we still all have our occasional less then joyful moments, but  the girls help out around the house more than I ever expected, and our family communication is more open and supportive than ever.

From the small gift of me making time to listen to them,  validate their concerns, and include them in decisions regarding the changes for our family, I was rewarded with more positive, loving support and teamwork than I had even imagined