“Decide that you will not try to do everything at once. That is why time is spread out.”
– Norman Vincent Peale

As mothers, we often take one look at our To-Do list and literally become paralyzed with overwhelm, knowing that there is way more on there than is humanly possible to get done as quickly as we would like or feel we “should” be able to. Why do we put all of this self-imposed pressure on ourselves?

When our kids bring home a full agenda of homework or have a big class project to work on, do we just stand their wide-eyed and frozen, and join them in their concern that it is just too much and they will never get it done? Of course not! (Well, we may think this for a moment, but we’d never let them in on that little nugget of doubt!) We help them prioritize their tasks and dig in, checking off each item as it is completed, and moving on to the next. Why then do we put so much pressure on ourselves to simultaneously attack every item on our To-Do list, and then feel like a failure if we don’t get as much done in a given day as we had hoped? We all know from experience that motherhood is not a single-focus activity where you get to give each To-Do item your undivided attention until it is done, and then neatly and smoothly move on to the next. Our lives as moms are full of unforeseen interruptions and schedule de-railers that just come as part of the daily job. So we need to learn to go easier on ourselves when our days don’t necessarily go as productively as we had hoped when we got started on them after breakfast.

Try to choose 1-3 of your top priorities each day and try to schedule their completion into your agenda, realizing that there will likely be something that comes up right in the middle of it all that may slow down your intended progress. That’s OK! If you set the maximum goal of working on 2-3 tasks, and agree with yourself to be completely satisfied with progress on any one of them, then even a baby-step in the right direction is great progress you can be proud of! And to take even more pressure off, you may want to shift your perspective toward weekly To-Do’s, rather than daily To-Do’s. Shoot for completing 1-3 tasks on your list each week, and even if you only get a little work toward one or two done each day, by the end of the week, you’ll have completed some, be able to remove them from your list, and focus on the next. Again, kind of like helping your child with a class project – normally (except in the dreaded “It’s 9:00 PM Sunday night and you’re finding out about a class project for the first time that’s due tomorrow” situation!!) you spread the completion of the project out over days, or with larger projects, even weeks, and break it down into “digestible” chunks to complete a little at a time. You can do the same thing with your To-Do list. Figure out which items are your biggest priorities, take a look at a reasonable timeline for completion, and spread the steps out over a few days or longer. That way, if one day gets away from you and you don’t get to the task, you know that you’ve already given yourself permission to get to it the following day and still feel great about it!

In coaching, there is a saying that coaches are often their own best clients. Well, this morning, I was a living, breathing, poster-child for a mom who needed to restore balance and make herself a priority in her own life. I got up bright and early to take the puppy outside and smiled at the thought of all the time I had to savor the quiet house before the kids got up and I got ready for a morning meeting nearby. That vision of peaceful morning bliss lasted for about 30 seconds before the kids were up, the waffles were in the toaster oven, and I was somehow left with less than 30 minutes to shower and get out the door. At least the babysitter who I hired for Wednesday’s so I can have one focused workday per week during the summer was on her way… or so I thought, until I exited the shower to tears from my daughters over how the sitter had just called-in sick and now their plans for the day were ruined. Their plans?!! No time for thinking about what wouldn’t get accomplished now in my day – I had 5 minutes to flat iron my hair and drive to my meeting before it started without me. Of course, I was only 2 minutes into my 4 minute drive before my cell phone rang and my older daughter was still lamenting about how she would now have nothing to do all day. (Considering the upstairs hall closet brimming with games and crafts, the over-stuffed playroom, the puppy waiting to be played with, and a little sister by her side, I didn’t quite understand the despair and desperateness in her voice!) Meanwhile, in my rush out the door, I had forgotten earrings and the only thing close to lipstick I had in the car was a nasty smelling tutti-fruiti princess lip gloss my 5 year old had left there over a month ago!

At that point, as I walked away from my crookedly-parked-too-quickly minivan and into my meeting, I just had to laugh, as I knew just how I would introduce myself today – as my own best client! Hey, I’ve made a lot of progress, but self-growth and self-care is an on-going process… “At least I’m enjoying the ride!”

I made an “executive decision” this past week to shift gears a bit and slow down a little for the summer.  I had been super-busy the past few weeks with some business projects and work in general, and I was finding myself stressed-out, over-tired, and increasingly overwhelmed.  I had started to stray from my commitment to and philosophy of building my career and business around my desired lifestyle, rather than letting my career and business overtake my life.  It is all about balance, and I had started to slip down the slippery slope of working and e-mailing until all hours of the night, skipping the gym, not spending as much time as I would like playing with my kids during the day, multi-multi-tasking, and taking absolutely no time to focus on my own self-care.  For a brief while there, I wasn’t enjoying my work as much as usual, I wasn’t enjoying my moodiness and exhaustion, and I am sure that my family wasn’t enjoying me that much either.  To top it all off, I was feeling hypocritical because I wasn’t following my own advice – moms need to make themselves a priority in their own lives.

Then, over the course of a few days, it seemed the Universe was knocking me upside the head, like in those “I shoulda had a V-8” commercials.  I was receiving the message repeatedly (from what I was feeling, by what I was tuning into around me, by conversations I was having with other people outside of my home) that I was out of alignment with my Self, my values, and my goals, and it was time for an adjustment.  So, I made a conscious choice to slow down a little, and I developed a daily “routine” that allows time for me to focus on getting my top work priorities done, uninterrupted, for an hour or so each morning and afternoon, while leaving time throughout the day to spend quality time with my kids and still leave myself some ME-Time each day.  It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could literally breathe easier.  (I once read that when we are stressed, our breathing becomes shorter and more shallow – No wonder we become exhausted!)  I have also decided to limit e-mail checking mostly to a time in the morning and one later in the day, rather than getting sucked into it every time I pass my desk.  I feel the change in me and I see it reflected in my kids.  They are content to keep themselves busy for that hour or so each morning and afternoon while I work uninterrupted (for the most part! :  ) because they know that they’ll have my attention for the remainder of the day.  Will this new approach always produce the perfectly balanced day – No, but it’s a definite step in the right direction for me.

I have also enlisted the kids’ help more around the house this summer – putting their own laundry away, folding towels, picking up after themselves, and their newest chore, which strangely they love (almost as much as I love them doing it!), unloading the dishwasher.  We have also made most meal preparations a family affair.  The girls love to help me cook!  I have been spending more quality time with the kids this past week, had more time to do some things for myself, and have still stayed pretty much on top of my work.  A few less things may be completed in a given time frame, but I am enjoying my days and my work so much more again, and that is worth it to me.  I absolutely love my jobs as a mom and a business owner, and I will continue to approach balancing the two as an adjustable process that I tweak along the way so both work best for my family and me.

Most importantly, I did not beat myself up over straying from the balance I espouse to.  When I felt the scattered discomfort and noticed the shift away from balance, I chose to do something about it.  After all, there are no mistakes – only opportunities to learn and grow.