» Mom Evolve – Inspiring Moms to Evolve – Help for Moms

Making Time for Family Time

lynnmomevolve — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 15:52:09 +0000

For most families, spending quality time together is one of their most valued priorities. Yet, with everyone’s busy schedules taking family members in all different directions on a daily basis, it often seems one of the most difficult priority items to accomplish. If spending quality time together each night is a non-negotiable value for your family, then it is important that each family member, especially the parents, fully commit to making it happen. One of the best ways for parents to model the importance of family time, is by shutting off work when they walk through the front door at night (or when they break for dinner, if working from home), at least until the kids are tucked into bed. Being totally present with your children shows them they are your top priority during that time of your day together, and you’ll all enjoy it much more than stolen, agitated moments between e-mails and cell phone calls.

Also, try to avoid spending your family time always doing things side-by-side, such as watching television or playing video games together. Rather, try mixing it up a little with activities that more fully engage everyone – do a family puzzle or craft, play charades, plan a puppet or talent show, make-up a “round-robin” narrated story where each person takes a turn adding a sentence at a time, create a “_(Name)_ Family Adventure Book” where you record pictures and memorabilia from every day family experiences and triumphs, as well as family vacations and celebrations. The possibilities are endless, so explore what appeals most to your own family and involve everyone in the process of choosing what to do. Most importantly, use that time together to really connect – discuss what went well and not-so-well in everyone’s day, inquire about school activities and friends, share dreams, express concerns, learn what’s on each others’ minds. Family quality time provides the perfect opportunity for recognizing, validating, and celebrating each family member’s unique gifts. From the youngest to the oldest, each family member has their own life experiences and lessons to share, from which the entire family can learn and grow. So, make the commitment, be creative, and enjoy some family time today!

Shifting Gears for Summer

lynnmomevolve — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 22:57:43 +0000

I made an “executive decision” this past week to shift gears a bit and slow down a little for the summer. I had been super-busy the past few weeks with some business projects and work in general, and I was finding myself stressed-out, over-tired, and increasingly overwhelmed. I had started to stray from my commitment to and philosophy of building my career and business around my desired lifestyle, rather than letting my career and business overtake my life. It is all about balance, and I had started to slip down the slippery slope of working and e-mailing until all hours of the night, skipping the gym, not spending as much time as I would like playing with my kids during the day, multi-multi-tasking, and taking absolutely no time to focus on my own self-care. For a brief while there, I wasn’t enjoying my work as much as usual, I wasn’t enjoying my moodiness and exhaustion, and I am sure that my family wasn’t enjoying me that much either. To top it all off, I was feeling hypocritical because I wasn’t following my own advice – moms need to make themselves a priority in their own lives.

Then, over the course of a few days, it seemed the Universe was knocking me upside the head, like in those “I shoulda had a V-8” commercials. I was receiving the message repeatedly (from what I was feeling, by what I was tuning into around me, by conversations I was having with other people outside of my home) that I was out of alignment with my Self, my values, and my goals, and it was time for an adjustment. So, I made a conscious choice to slow down a little, and I developed a daily “routine” that allows time for me to focus on getting my top work priorities done, uninterrupted, for an hour or so each morning and afternoon, while leaving time throughout the day to spend quality time with my kids and still leave myself some ME-Time each day. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could literally breathe easier. (I once read that when we are stressed, our breathing becomes shorter and more shallow – No wonder we become exhausted!) I have also decided to limit e-mail checking mostly to a time in the morning and one later in the day, rather than getting sucked into it every time I pass my desk. I feel the change in me and I see it reflected in my kids. They are content to keep themselves busy for that hour or so each morning and afternoon while I work uninterrupted (for the most part! : ) because they know that they’ll have my attention for the remainder of the day. Will this new approach always produce the perfectly balanced day – No, but it’s a definite step in the right direction for me.

I have also enlisted the kids’ help more around the house this summer – putting their own laundry away, folding towels, picking up after themselves, and their newest chore, which strangely they love (almost as much as I love them doing it!), unloading the dishwasher. We have also made most meal preparations a family affair. The girls love to help me cook! I have been spending more quality time with the kids this past week, had more time to do some things for myself, and have still stayed pretty much on top of my work. A few less things may be completed in a given time frame, but I am enjoying my days and my work so much more again, and that is worth it to me. I absolutely love my jobs as a mom and a business owner, and I will continue to approach balancing the two as an adjustable process that I tweak along the way so both work best for my family and me.

Most importantly, I did not beat myself up over straying from the balance I espouse to. When I felt the scattered discomfort and noticed the shift away from balance, I chose to do something about it. After all, there are no mistakes – only opportunities to learn and grow.

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Going Back to Work

lynnmomevolve — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 03:43:57 +0000

Going Back to Work…

By Lynn Ely

Going back to work As an At-Home Mom, I knew it was a possibility that was always out there, but up until recently, it was still floating out there in the distance, and hadn’t really come into focus. On the way home from a trip to visit friends and family in FL, I started talking with my husband about how I had been thinking it may be time for me to start considering going back to work, at least part-time. Our youngest daughter is in Pre-K, and she’ll be stepping on the big-kid’s school bus at the end of the driveway each morning before we know it. I wasn’t quite sure what that job would look like yet, but I knew that it would have to be something I would be excited about, and it was very important to me that it would be a role that could really help others and make some sort of positive difference in the world. During our discussion, our two young daughters, ages 8 and 5, were nestled into their seats in the back of the mini-van with Hunny Bunny and Lamby, the same sleepytime-friends they’ve each snuggled with since birth, headphones and favorite movie on, completely unaware of the plans being discussed and dreams being hatched at the front of our vehicle.

Upon returning home, I made it my full-time job while the kids were in school and after they were tucked in at night, to research all I could about my areas of interest. Before we knew it, I was enrolled in a coaching curriculum and certification program (well, actually, three coaching certification programs, to be exact), and in the process of embarking on an entrepreneurial adventure that I decided to call it MomEvolve. I was so excited, and had not a single fear or reservation about being on the path I knew in my heart I was meant to be on. I was also coming to realize, that in addition to my full-time job as a Mom (and often, in the capacity of a “single-married Mom”, since my husband travels globally for his job), I was now also taking on the role of a full-time student, practicing coach, and a new entrepreneur who was busy with all of the many details associated with building a start-up business (which, by the way, was a completely new endeavor for me). At least going into it, I was conscious of the potential for complete overwhelm, and I entered into this new phase of my life with an awareness of and commitment to actively managing my “overwhelm-quotient”. Next came the equally important realization that I had to help manage the overwhelm factor for my family as well, especially my daughters. Mommy had never worked or gone to school since they were born, so both of those changes combined could be potentially very unsettling for them… and it was… initially.

It was becoming increasingly, and painfully (I’m sure many of you have heard a grumpy 8 year old whine!) obvious that my girls were unsettled by the thought of my going back to school and work. They had never known a day that Mommy wasn’t at home waiting for them when they returned from school, or picking them up earlier than many of the other kids from pre-school, or signing up for pretty much all of the volunteer activities and field trips with their classes. And I could see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices that they were concerned, confused, and even a little bit scared about what all of this would mean for them. I don’t even think it was a completely conscious worry or fear for them at that point – they just knew that things were changing and knew that they just wanted things to stay the way they had always been. I could especially see the changes in my 8 year olds demeanor – more moody and reactive, and when she really got upset, it would come out loud and clear – “Why do you have to go back to work – you’ll be so busy, you won’t ever have time for us!” Of course, this was in direct ear-shot of our 5 year old, and she was taking it all in, as usual.

My husband was away on a business trip to Malaysia, and I had hoped to wait and include him in the discussion once he returned home, but it was obvious that we needed a family discussion, and fast. So, that weekend, I called a Family Meeting. It was a Sunday, and I mentioned a few times throughout the day to the girls about how we would have a Family Meeting later that afternoon at 4:00 PM. They liked the idea, as we’ve had Family Meetings in the past, but it had been quite a while since the last one. Right before the meeting began in the living room, I set up a white board on their big plastic easel, and we gathered in the living room. Boy did their eyes light up when they saw a white board with brand new markers waiting for our meeting! We talked about their feelings and concerns around my going back to work, what we could do together to support each other, and how we could make the whole experience fun and exciting for the entire family. Of course, there was a lot of doodling on the white board by my younger daughter (which was a large part of the point for having it!), but I could see from the start of the meeting that their energy increased and they felt important and listened to by their inclusion in the process. The icing on the cake was much later that evening while I was just settling into bed, and my older daughter came into the room rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She said, “Mommy, if you are excited about your school and new job, then I’m excited too – it’s going to be really great for all of us!” It’s only gotten better from there. Now, don’t get me wrong, we still all have our occasional less then joyful moments, but the girls help out around the house more than I ever expected, and our family communication is more open and supportive than ever.

From the small gift of me making time to listen to them, validate their concerns, and include them in decisions regarding the changes for our family, I was rewarded with more positive, loving support and teamwork than I had even imagined

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